“Lesson Number One: Don’t Underestimate The Other Guy’s Greed.”

In preparation for an upcoming trip, Justin wanted to make sure that he brought his wallet with him. I knew that he had A LOT of cash in his special drawer, so I said “Justin, go get all of your money and we can count it and put it in your wallet.” He thought that was a fantastic idea and off he went to collect his money from his dresser.

After a few moments, I watched as Justin re-entered the living room. He walked into the kitchen and looked around. Then, he saw MY wallet on the counter and then proceed to open it and pull money out.

“Whoa…whoa…whoa….Justin! What are you doing?” I asked.

He said, “I’m getting my money like you said.”

I quickly pointed out that the money in my wallet was mine. In all seriousness, he looked up at me and said, “Daddy, I’m going to take this money. You need to go and get some more.”

Part of me was ready to explain the concept of money to him like we were in “Scarface” – “In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.”

Here’s the really sad part of this story…after I convinced him to leave my money in my wallet, we sat down to count his money – and he STILL had more money in his wallet than I did!

Sucker Punch

As a grown man, I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve been in my share of fist fights over the years. Sometimes two men need to walk outside, beat the crap out of each other, walk back inside, and have a drink. While I have never been the instigator, sometimes things escalate and you find yourself sending a few messages with your fists (and maybe taking a few responses by fist or elbow as well.) The point here is, I always knew I was about to take a hit…no one ever sucker punched me…until I had sons.

Justin and Garrett have made an art out of punching and/or kicking me in the face when I least expect it. Today was no exception. While sitting on the floor and leaning with my back against the sofa (and playing with Garrett), Justin climbed to the top of the sofa with his Pokémon yo-yo in hand. When I looked up to see what he was doing, he threw the yo-yo down at my head. My assumption is that he didn’t think the rope would be long enough to hit me in the head. He was wrong. I took a yo-yo to the eye. (Fact – the yo-yo was first used as a hunting tool. Hunters would patiently wait in trees and when an animal would come by – they would kill them with a well-placed yo-yo to the head.) Clearly, I lived and I sent him to his room.

Garrett decided that he did not want to be left out of today’s excitement. While playing with him on the ground, he went from “cute toddler” to “drunken, Irish hooligan.” (By the way, if you ask my Irish friends, they will tell you that all three words mean the same thing!) Out of nowhere, Garrett grabbed my head and began to bite my nose…HARD. After I said ‘ouch,’ he tried getting  up while smacking me in the face repeatedly. And finally, after he had gotten up, he began to use his new-found balance to lift his left foot and then stomp it on my head over and over again. All of this, while squealing and laughing. I could have put the camera down to protect myself, but the look on his face was too funny!

The pictures on this posting are of Garrett as he is in the process of kicking my ass. The picture below makes me laugh the most. He is in the middle of stomping on my head WHILE AT THE SAME TIME looking out to see if anyone else is witnessing the “beat down.”

The message here is – if you ever get into a bar fight, you’re going to want Justin and Garrett on your side. They are mean and they fight dirty!!!

Holy Post-Impressionism, Batman!!

Last night, while doing his homework, Justin asked me to help him. One of the tasks was to draw six bats for Halloween and then color each of them brown. Justin was unsure of how to draw a bat and he asked for me to draw one first so he could see how it was done. Luckily, I had my laptop open and I Google Imaged Batman’s crest. I grabbed a piece of paper and pencil and I began to draw (what I thought was) a “bat.”

Justin looked at my bat for a few moments and he said, “No daddy! Draw me a real bat!” I proceeded to explain to him that I had no artistic ability whatsoever. If it wasn’t for my opposable thumbs and quick wit, I would be swinging from tree to tree and flinging my own poo at this moment. (Speaking of poo, after Justin decided that my bat sucked, I added a few pellets of poo dropping out of my bat’s butt. So mature!)

Justin took the pencil from my hand and drew his own bat. I must admit….it was much better than mine. Because Justin is ambidextrous, I enjoyed watching him color in the bats on his homework sheet with crayons in each hand at the same time.

I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson here. Either GenXDaddy is a terrible artist or he needs glasses!

A Message from the President of the United States

Well…yes, this is from the President – just not one of the recent ones. While in New York this past weekend, I visited the American Museum of Natural History. In the lobby are four quotes from Theodore Roosevelt. I thought that two of them were very appropriate for this blog. In the never-ending quest to raise my boys to become good men, I found these sayings to be enlightened and inspiring.

 

Can You Hear Me Now?!?!

Well this is a coincidence!! One of the blogs I follow is called, “The Dose of Reality” and this morning’s post was entitled, “I’ll Stop The World and Melt With You.” It was all about what happens when your iPhone dies and it has everything you need to survive – pictures of the kids, directions to where the kids need to be, schedules of the kids’ lives, contact information in case you lose the kids, etc. A few moments after reading about our shared adventures, I received an info-graphic from SquareTrade – all about where the most accidents with Smart Phones occur. This really has nothing to do with my kids, but at least I know to keep my phone away from them in the kitchen!!

A Talent Manager Calls His Client One Morning….

When I’m dropping the kids off at school in the morning, I try not to take any business calls. That’s our time to catch up, goof off, and sing along with the radio. (I dare you to have a bad morning after singing along with Kids’ Place Live on Sirius XM with a five year old.) Last Monday morning, I had no choice. I had to make one business call to a client. And, I was about to make a call at 7:48am! No one wants to hear from their representative at that time. My plan was to use Sly Dial (yes, I’m revealing a trick of the trade) to go straight to the client’s voicemail – thereby, not disturbing her. Sly Dial somehow failed and she actually picked up the phone. I think she was as surprised to get a call from me that early in the morning as I was that she had actually picked up.

By the way – if you ask Justin, there is one rule in my car: “When daddy’s on the phone, be quiet.” He is fantastic about that and this was no different. He quietly sat in the car as I drove and spoke with the client.

I apologized for calling the client (we’ll call her “JT”) that early in the morning, but wanted to let her know that I was talking to a casting director/producer the previous Friday about her for a project. After we hung up, she sent me an appointment for JT on a different project. I quickly reviewed the elements of the project, the dates, and who else was doing the project. I rarely pass without speaking to a client first, but in this case…I felt confident that the client would not want to participate in this project.

So, while on this call, I explained to the client that I had passed on a project on her behalf three days prior and I wanted to let her know about it should someone ever confront her and ask, “Why didn’t you do this?” I explained to her that A) it was a play in a small theater, B) it was scheduled to have rehearsals and performances in the middle of pilot season, C) the star of the play had a history of substance abuse (and even though he was clean now, anything could happen considering he would be “revisiting past behaviors” on stage every night), and FINALLY D) she would have to appear naked.

Once I said the word “naked,” Justin exploded into hysterical laughter. His laughter was so loud, that the client heard him and she began to laugh as well. (It’s good to know that we were all being professional about this!) I must have said the word “naked” a second time because Justin burst into hysterics again…laughing and laughing, all the while I can hear JT laughing in my earpiece as well. Thankfully, JT was in complete agreement with me that this was a “pass.”

As a male representative, I’m always uncomfortable having the “nudity conversation” with any client. I used to have a female partner and I would delegate those conversations to her. But, now I have a new way to have those conversations – I’m going to have Justin make the call!