For five days, the Priluck men fended for themselves. Damage was done, chaos ensued, and then…there was poop. Regardless, we all had fun and everyone is still alive. Here are our status updates from the past few days:
(9/13/12) Man-mageddon, Day 1: So far, all is well. GWE is on her plane, Garrett is at daycare, Justin is in Kindergarten, and I am trying to jam 24 hours worth of work into about 10 hours. I suspect the chaos will kick in this evening!
(9/13/12) Man-mageddon, Day 1 1/2: Well, I accidentally locked the kids out of the house for a short time, failed to properly follow the “melting caramel” instructions for Justin’s homework, and there is a weird smell coming from somewhere in the house. Other than that, very little else for me to screw up this evening.
(9/14/12) Man-mageddon Day 2: woke up after only four hours of sleep. Got Justin up, dressed, and fed. Woke up Garrett, realized he had a baby-cold, “chipped” the dried boogers off of his face, and dosed him with baby Tylenol. Threw everyone (including the caramel apples) into the car. Got to school, dropped off child #1 and his treats. Ran to CVS for more baby drugs. Fed #2 more food while standing in the parking lot. Got him to school. Raced home to shower…all before 9am!
(915/12) Man-mageddon, Day 3: Just cleaned up the Niagara Falls of poop which flowed out of Garrett’s diaper and onto the carpet. Why even bother wearing pants?!?! New house rule, no one in this house wears pants until Monday and I’ll just schedule the carpet cleaner for Tuesday. Let the “Dirty Trail Blazing” begin! (Re: Man-mageddon updates. Should Garrett chose a life of politics, one day these Facebook updates will re-appear under the headline: “Candidate Prefers to Shit on Floor.”)
(9/16/12) Man-mageddon, Day 4: The boys must have had a good day yesterday because they both woke up an hour late! (Too bad I was up at 4am.) We’ve got crazy plans today! Farmers market, hair cuts, brunch, playground….INSANE!!! Keep your women away because someone’s getting pregnant by one of the Pantless Prilucks (see yesterday’s update) before the day is over!!
(9/17/12) Man-mageddon, Day 5: The crazy train is coming to an end today because mommy is coming home. Like any conductor, I have to decide if I will bring the train in slowly or crash us into the station, thereby destroying everything and everyone around us. Ah, I will let the 11 month old decide our fate! Hahahahaha!!!!!
(9/17/12) Man-mageddon, Day 5.5: Our Man-pocolypse will be ending shortly. Garrett, Justin, and I owe some apologies for our behavior this weekend. Sorry to every waitress who served us over the past few days – Garrett was a little “grabby” and the floor looked too clean. Sorry to everyone at the Farmer’s Market – Justin’s butt could not handle all that fiber. (Worst fart ever!) Sorry to Pooh Bear – Garrett may have inappropriately “humped and dumped” you, but he still respects you. And finally, sorry to anyone who had to be near me over the past five days. The children are twice as clean as I am. You do the math.