If you’ve been a follower of this blog, then you know about my friend “Sherlock.” Every dad has a “Sherlock” in his life. He’s the single, male friend who somehow manages to have (and happily tell you stories of) the debaucherous sex life that you were never able to have  – even when you were single!

A few days ago, I checked in with Sherlock to see if he had any interesting stories for me. He sent me a text he had recently received from a girl: “”I do want to see you, don’t think I don’t but lately I’ve been having crazy hours at work… Just know that this week won’t end without my lips tasting yours .” I told him that this was pretty pedestrian and I could get this from my wife. He needed to step it up!

Several days later, I got another text from him at 10:30 in the morning. He had partially redeemed himself. It seems as though he had a “guest” spend the night after an evening of poolside cocktails. At some point, she told him that she was “closed for maintenance,” however…um…how can I put is delicately….uhhhh….she informed him that she was happy to have him “plant his flag on the dark side of the moon.” (I really could not find a nicer way to say it. I’m sorry, but I tried.)

And, while that does earn him a (very dirty) gold star – it’s the next texts from him that I found impressive. He was still in the process of waking up from the previous night’s adventure and he was telling me about the lunch he was off to with his French lesbian friends who wanted to hook him up with their French straight girlfriends. And then the bastard sent me pictures….pictures I cannot share with you.

I’ll put this in a way only dads will understand: “He was getting ready to go to a play date to discuss future play dates while still on a play date!”