Justin is in “Puppy Mode.” We’re not sure how it started, but it came up suddenly and without warning. Either he overheard a conversation about puppies or one of his friends recently got a dog or it could have possibly been something he saw on television, but he has been asking and asking and asking for a puppy. He is…pardon the phrase…”a dog with a bone.”

Last night, while watching the “AFV Animal Special” (shocking, right), the topic of puppies came up again. This time, Justin took a different approach. He walked up to GWE and asked for a piece of paper and a pencil. Once he had his writing utensils in hand, he settled into the “Daddy Seat” on our sofa and began to write a note.

“Mommy?” he asked. “How do you spell ‘Dear’?”

“D-E-A-R,” she replied.

“Ok,” he said, while scribbling on the paper.

“Mommy?” he asked again. “How do you spell ‘Santa’?”

GWE and I immediately looked at each other. Um…this was not a good question for a Jewish kid to be asking.

“S-A-N-T-A” she answered, curiously.

Without spelling out the rest of the letter, I’ve chosen to attach it below for your viewing pleasure.

It was a complete coincidence that GWE handed Justin a “Naughty/Nice” pad of paper!

I felt bad about this. Justin is 6 and didn’t understand why we weren’t leaping at the opportunity to get a dog. I pulled him aside and gave him a hug while I explained that I understood his interest in getting a puppy. However, puppies need a lot of care and I was concerned that Garrett was too young to have a puppy in the house. I wanted Justin to understand that Garrett was still a baby and he needed to be a little older before we could consider it. Justin nodded that he understood and walked back over to the television to continue watching “AFV.”

The truth is – that’s all bullshit. I wanted a dog too! I’ve always wanted a dog! When I was a kid, I begged my parents for a dog. They finally got one – 6 weeks after I moved out of the house!!!! They didn’t just get a dog, they REPLACED me with a dog!! If they could have trained that shih tzu to do the dishes and take out the trash – they would have named him JASON!! And now that I’m an adult and I’m fully capable of talking care of a dog – I can’t get one!! I married a woman who is allergic to dogs!!!! I can’t win! (And, to add insult to injury – even my allergic wife HAD A DOG while growing up!)

Do you know what I did have as a pet? A guinea pig named “Fudge.” Do you know what’s fun to do with a guinea pig? NOTHING!! They scream like banshees, eat pellets that are indistinguishable from their poop, piss on you every chance they get, and the only interaction you will ever have with them is when you change their cage. To this day, the smell of cedar chips make me gag!

Yes, as an adult I understand that dogs require a lot of time (that we don’t have right now), attention (that I don’t have right now), are not cheap to maintain ($$ I don’t have right now), and we have two young kids. The timing is all wrong. However, the kid in me wants a dog right now!!

Once again, I had to be a grown-up and make a mature decision. Sorry Justin…we can’t have a dog. Someday, you’ll understand…..and then maybe you can explain it to me!

Now, about that Santa thing….