It has been less than a week and Garrett is finally getting the hang of “it’s time to go to sleep in your big boy bed.” Eh…who am I kidding??? He isn’t getting it. Not even close!

For the first few nights, we would put him to bed only to have him reappear in the hallway several minutes later. It was like Human Wack-a-Mole. Every time we put him down, he would pop back up again somewhere else in the house.

With a great deal of patience, we read to him, sang his favorite songs to him, left the light on (by his request), turned the light off (by his request), got him a glass of water, rubbed his back, rubbed his head, rubbed his feet, etc. However, all of it was pointless because he did not understand the concept of “get into bed and stay there.”

Tempers flared and tears had to be wiped away…and that was just GWE. For the first few nights, GWE took away toys every time she had to put him back to bed. I took a different approach – bribery. “Garrett – I will buy you a Ferrari tomorrow after I make you your favorite waffles. But, for the love of God, please go to sleep.” Neither approach worked.

Two nights ago, I finally got him down with the promise of playing with the garage door the following morning. It worked and he slept through the night. (Of course, we were late to school the following morning due to the 7:40am off-Broadway extravaganza of “Garage Up! Garage Down!”)

Last night was a different story. I put him to bed at 8:30pm only to discover him at 9:10pm back in the kitchen eating yogurt raisins while standing on his stool reaching for the radio remote.

“Get back to bed!!” I barked. He got down from the stool and gave me a look that said, “Just you wait. I’ve got more planned.” He showed no remorse as he walked to his room. It was pure defiance. But, that was the last I had heard from Garrett that evening, until…..

Today, I got up at 5:50am and began my morning routine. As I blindly walked down the hallway, I noticed that the light was on in the home office…and my computer was on. I distinctly remember turning it off, but there it was with the screen on asking for my password. “Someone” tried to enter 40-ish characters in an attempt to access it. I began to notice other things as well. The kitchen light was on, Mickey and Chica were laying on the floor outside Garrett’s bedroom, and there was an empty Danimal container on the sofa.

Clearly, Garrett had woken up in the middle of the night and went “AWOL.” He had abandoned his friends in the hallway, gotten a snack, and then attempted to make midnight impulse purchases on EBay. I asked him what he did last night. With a huge smile he said, “I sleep!”

“Liar.” I thought.

Short of electrifying the door nob to his bedroom or hiring someone to stand guard outside his door, I’m running out of ideas. The best I can do is lock all the doors, hide the car keys, hide the computer, and hope for the best.

Tonight, I may have to go online and look for velcro sheets and pajamas. If you can’t beat ’em, stick ’em (to the bed!!)