It was my intention to write about three of four funny recent events with the boys. However, this evening, we had an incident with Garrett that made me so angry that I wasn’t able to get into “Ha, Ha, what a funny story!” mode. Now, I’m in the “Are you F#$#^&G kidding me????” mode.
At some point this evening, Garrett announced that he had to go to the bathroom. He made us pause the television and wait for him. After a few minutes, he returned with a guilty look on his face.
“Garrett? Did you pee in the potty?” I asked.
“Yes!” he announced to me and MoGWE. (Mother of Greatest Wife Ever)
I continued my mild interrogation. “But, I didn’t hear a flush. Did you flush the pee?”
“Yes!” he proclaimed.
Honestly, I didn’t believe him. My dad-senses were tingling and he looked guilty of something. I stood up and walked to the bathroom to see what had happened. From behind me I could hear MoGWE telling Garrett, “If you did something, you better tell your dad. He’s about to find out anyway!” I turned to see that his lips were sealed…with a smirk.
I looked in and around the potty. No evidence of anything. If he did it, he flushed it and that was the end of that.
A few hours later, with Justin soundly asleep in bed, I began Garrett’s nighttime routine. I put Garrett into pajamas, got him a cup of water, and I was about to read him a book when he whispered, “Daddy. I have to tell you a secret.” The smirk was still on his face, but now his whole body began to shake in a spastic manner like he was going to burst of excitement if he didn’t say this one thing.
“Ok. What’s your secret?” I asked, expecting to hear about something that happened at school that day.
“I snuck into Justin’s room, went under his bed, and peed on the floor!!!!!”
He said it with the frenzied excitement of someone who just won the lottery or found out they weren’t the father on “Maury.” My guess is that he thought I would find it just as funny and exciting. I did not. And, clearly, he did not anticipate the level of anger from me that this action would elicit.
Needless to say, toys were taken, tears were shed, and I made myself perfectly clear: if you piss on the floor again – you better be prepared to sleep in it!
It’s a good thing Justin doesn’t know what happened. The one thing that really upsets Justin is the thought of Garrett coming into his room without his permission. If he ever found out about what happened under his bed, he might need therapy!