From time to time, I’ve found myself on my kids’ school campus after classes have begun. There doesn’t seem to be any way to escape to my car without walking past Garrett’s kindergarten classroom. And, like an air traffic controller hyper-alert on espresso, Garrett has an amazing ability to know when I am walking by his building and reroute me into his orbit.
A few mornings ago, he begged me to stay for a few minutes to witness “Calendar Time,” the morning weather report, a little show-and-tell, and the rest of his class’s morning routine. Each child is assigning a specific spot on the rug. In order to not break the rule, Garrett ordered me to sit in his spot…and then he plopped down in my lap.
As the morning announcements began, I would periodically feel a vibration from his butt. I felt it once or twice, but wasn’t sure what it was. Then it dawned on me. He was farting on me! The first time I realized what was happening, I asked him to stop. He didn’t respond. The second time he did it, I told him to stop again. He didn’t respond. Finally, he farted on me a third time!
Angrily, I looked at Garrett and whispered, “Garrett!! Stop farting on me!” He turned to me and angrily responded. “I’m not farting on you!! It’s your phone!!”
He was right. I had my phone on vibrate and someone was desperately trying to reach me. When it comes to fart or phone, I prefer phone!