Free Giveaway to TWO Readers!!

I am giving away a brand new book to TWO readers of this blog. If you or someone you know is having concerns about a child’s speech or literacy development, please contact me with your address and I will ship one of these books to you (completely free of cost.)

Now that I am a DBI (Dad Blogger of Influence), I’ve been asked to review products that parents may find useful. I was recently asked to review a book entitled, “Beyond Baby Talk” – a guide to language and literacy development. I will be honest…I did not read the book in its entirety. Instead, I jumped around to the chapters that I felt would be of most use to me. I was very happy to find that it had extensive information regarding a child’s language development between the ages of 2 to 4.

When Justin was much younger, his daycare suggested that we should have his speech, hearing, and cognitive abilities tested. They believed that his “baby talk” (while completely appropriate for his age) may have been a sign of developmental issues. As new parents, we had no idea what to do with this information. We went online for advice, but the websites on this topic were either contradictory to one another or self-serving (“Buy My Product”) to whoever was doing the posting. Ultimately, we had him tested through LAUSD and then again through a specialty program (which we ended up working with for about a year) that I was referred to after tracking down the President of the Pediatric Speech Therapy organization for her recommendation.

The point here is – I wish I had a book like “Beyond Baby Talk” at that time to give us guidance on what to look for developmentally. Sometimes, you don’t know what you don’t know. If you need this book, just let me know and I will ship one to you!

You Are One Sick Bastard

As men, we are notoriously childish when we become sick. I will admit that I am not immune to this behavior. The last time I got the flu – I buried myself in bed, imagined that I was dying, and repeatedly asked GWE for some soup…..and the decency to wait a respectful amount of time before marrying someone else after I was gone.

Last week, it was Garrett’s turn. Out of nowhere, he spiked a fever on Thursday evening. He was miserable for the next 24 hours. We thought it was a cold or maybe “extreme” teething. Whatever it was, he was not himself. He cried and cried and cried and cried. Like any good dad, on Friday morning I kissed my wife on the cheek and ran out of the house as fast as possible – leaving GWE to tend to our ailing son. It was her problem now!

Over the next few days, his fever came and went. After it finally subsided, Garrett broke out in a rash of red welts. The rash was most noticeable on his face, chest, arms, legs, and butt. After consulting a pediatrician, Web MD, and a “Your Baby’s First Year” book, we realized he had Roseola.

Roseola is a viral disease caused by human herpesvirus 6 and it affects children under two. The symptoms are puffy eyes, sore throat, runny nose, irritability, etc. And, there is no known treatment. It just goes away on its own.

This morning on my way into work, Garrett Morris called me to discuss some updates on projects we were working on. (If you don’t know yet, my son was named after Garrett Morris.) Garrett casually asked how the family was and I proceeded to explain that “Little Garrett” was home sick with Roseola. Garrett paused and asked, “Is that a new name for something I’d recognize?”

“Yes. It’s like Baby Measles.” I replied. And then I gave Garrett more information than he asked for. “Actually, it’s caused by Herpes. He probably got it from one of his friends at daycare.”

At that moment, Garrett Morris erupted into laughter. When he finally composed himself, he said, “You tell those little bitches in daycare to stay away from Little Garrett!!!”

He’s Feeling Much Better Now

Blogger’s Note: “Zero Point Zero”

In case you’ve been directed to this site and are wondering where the blog post entitled “Mr. Blutarsky….Zero Point Zero” has gone, it has been temporarily removed. I had recently written about my excitement for Justin attending Kindergarten and my concern about the type of education he was about to receive.

I was told that the posting was mean and could potentially have negative repercussions should anyone recognize which school and/or principal I was commenting on. Honestly, I do not care. I pulled the posting for personal reasons and I assure you that the posting will return at a later date.

In case you missed the posting, my rant was about the following: If an educator of children consistently fails to use proper grammar and sentence structure on memos that are sent to parents (or anyone for that matter), it is a clear indication of the level of education that child is about to be exposed to. It is not only your right, but your responsibility as a parent to question it, address it, and deal with it.

I promise that I will be THAT parent who not only expects the best from my children, but I expect the best for them as well.

A Hideable Feast

Ernest Hemingway once wrote: “Hunger is good discipline and you learn from it.” I had no intention of using hunger as a tool to teach my son a lesson, but it certainly made an impact on him this week!

On Monday, Justin asked me to make him a “special lunch” for school. The school provides lunch on a daily basis, but I think Justin was feeling a little neglected because GWE was out of town and I was spending a little more time with the baby. I happily agreed to make him the best lunch he’d ever had. (Yes, I did not realize it at the time, but I was about to set a high standard which would be impossible to maintain over time.)

With Garrett supervising from his high chair, I proceeded to make Justin a smoked turkey and lean roast beef sandwich on Milton’s bread with a little Thousand Island dressing (instead of mustard or mayo), a spinach salad with feta cheese and cherry tomatoes (sesame dressing on the side), 2 peaches from grandma’s garden, and a Danimal’s Smoothie. As a final touch, I put a “special” note on the top. I packed everything in his lunch box with enough ice packs to take down the Titanic and then we all left for school.

After dropping Garrett off in his room, Justin and I proceeded to his classroom. As we got to the kids’ gate, Justin ran up to it in an effort to hold it open for me. Unfortunately, there was another child holding the gate for his mother at the same time. The children exchanged a few words….and then fists began to fly. I quickly grabbed Justin by the shoulder and pulled him aside. I got down to his eye level and in an angry tone I told him that I was not ok with him hitting and that we had talked about this many, many times before – and then I added the final, “I’m very disappointed in you.” Justin had been in too many physical confrontations recently and it needed to stop. I was frustrated and felt that some sort of punishment was necessary.

So – I told him that I was taking away the lunch I had made for him. He would have to make do with the lunch the school provided. In that moment, Justin was destroyed. He begged and pleaded to keep the lunch, but I said “no.” He cried and he tantrumed…and I still said, “no.” I instructed him to go and play on the playground while I spoke with his teacher. With tears in his eyes, he sulked off.

When he was out of earshot, I told his teacher what had happened and about the punishment. But, then I explained that I didn’t feel right completely taking away his lunch. (No punishment should last 5 hours.) So instead, I asked her for a place to hide it in the classroom and instructed her to give it back to him at lunch. I felt satisfied with this. He would feel the sting of losing something he wanted (temporarily) and I felt like he was still getting a healthy lunch. Justin continued to cry as I left, but I knew that it would all be alright in a few hours.

At 6:00pm, I arrived back at the school to get the kids. My first stop was to get Justin. While he was preoccupied outside, I collected his belongings and signed him out. Realizing that his lunchbox was not in his cubby, I went over to other area in the room where lunchboxes and jackets were stored. Still, no lunchbox. All of a sudden, a pit grew in my stomach. I went back to the cabinet where I was instructed to “hide” his lunchbox and there it was….UNOPENED. His lunch was still inside!!

I stormed out of his classroom and up to his teacher while holding the lunchbox. I saw her face go pale and her jaw drop.

“What happened?” I asked.

“I’m so sorry! I forgot!!” She continued to explain that she took a break during lunch and forgot to tell the other teacher. She kept apologizing and I kept reassuring her that it was fine – accidents happen. But, I’m pretty sure my body language betrayed me and the truth was, I was pissed!! Justin saw me from across the playground and then he saw the lunchbox. He ran up to me and gave me a big hug. “Daddy! You brought my lunch back!” I bit my tongue and lied. “Yea buddy, I heard you had a much better day, so I brought it back.”

He told me how sorry he was for hitting his friend and that he had apologized to him later in the day. Clearly, he understood that his actions had consequences, but all I felt was guilt. As we got into the car, I told him that I was also sorry and I unwrapped the sandwich per his request. He happily ate half of it on the way home while humming with happiness.

By the way – everything was still ice cold thanks to my Syracuse-learned, Igloo, ice-packing abilities! GO ORANGE!!

And This Is How We Say Goodbye!

Until they perfect the art of cloning, GWE and I will need to rely on some hired help in order to get the kids from school during the weeknights starting this Fall. Justin will be in a new school this August and Garrett will remain at daycare. And, unless they plan on spending the nights at their respective schools, we need someone to pick them up and bring them home a few days a week. Time for “The Nanny!!”

When I walked into the house last night, GWE was in the middle of interviewing a very nice woman who ran a nanny/babysitter service. I did not want to interrupt. The woman and I exchanged pleasantries and then I wandered into the kitchen for something to eat. Every once in a while, I was asked a question – but, for the most part I stayed out of it.

Justin was very excited to see me and (as usual) his energy level went from a 4 to a 12 in under a few minutes. He began to ask me a million questions about my day, playfully “attack” me, and then jump around on the sofas a little. I also noticed that Justin was only wearing a t-shirt and underwear…no pants. While I knew that this was just “Justin being Justin,” I began to worry if this woman was judging our son’s behavior. Every so often I would walk over to Justin and casually calm him down and then go back to what I was doing.

When I was finally ready to sit on the sofa, Justin rushed up to me and said (loud enough for our guest to hear) “I love you daddy! Can I sit with you?”

Secretly, I was very pleased. It’s not that I felt like we needed to “put on a good show” for this woman. But, she was in our home to assess the situation and determine which nanny would be best for us. So….a little affection and good behavior from Justin at the right moment wasn’t such a bad thing. For the next few moments, we sat together and quietly watched cartoons.

When our guest was ready to leave, GWE said to Justin, “Say bye-bye to (blank).” He turned his head away from the television and said, “Bye.” Then, he quickly jumped off the sofa and said to the woman, “Wait, wait!!!”

I then saw him reach behind his back and start to do something. I wasn’t entirely sure what he was up to, but an evil…sadistic…smug smile began to creep across his face. It turns out that Justin thought it would be funny to grab his underwear, shove it between the crack of his ass (like it was a thong), and then show our guest his ass as a going away present. It quickly dawned on me what he was doing about a second before he did it. I immediately tackled Justin and prevented him from finishing his “master plan.” After GWE closed the door, I told her that either the woman thought our son was funny or she was calling Child Protective Services from her car.

Justin has to work on improving his first impression!