Category Archives: Garrett

Why Won’t Daddy Play with Me?

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It’s true. I may have found something I love playing with more than my children. It is an XBox 360 Kinect. Maybe if Justin and Garrett came with left/right controllers, online capability, a USB port, and vibrating feedback – I might play with them more. Actually, I’ve found that if you pat Garrett too hard after a bottle, he DOES have “vibrating feedback!”

A year ago I wrote a blog post about Justin’s anticipation of a toy that was being shipped in the mail. With each passing day, I saw him yearn for that toy even more and look at me in scorn as I could not provide him with what he wanted when he wanted it. I thought it was funny.

I was wrong and I have learned my lesson.

Three weeks ago, GWE told me that we had over a 100,000 redeemable airline points. Since it was not from an airline that we usually use, she suggested that we redeem the points for actual products. She then told me that one of the items we could redeem the points for was an XBox 360 Kinect. I hesitated to answer. I thought that maybe this was some sort of “Guy Test.” Once she assured me that she was fine with this purchase, I told her to get it.

And then I waited….and waited…..and waited…..and waited. The website said that the products would be delivered no later than 7 days after they were ordered. Almost two weeks went by and nothing arrived. Each day, as I pulled into the driveway, I would pull my car as close to the front door as possible in hopes of looking over and seeing a UPS box. Yet each night, I was disappointed to find nothing.

Much like when Justin would give me the ‘evil eye’ when passing in the hall while waiting for his toy to arrive – I, too, began to do this with GWE. I held her responsible for MY toy not arriving! I told her that I was a grown man and if it didn’t show up by a certain date – I was going to the store and I was going to buy it all by myself. (Yeah – real mature!)

Finally, last Friday, at 5:55pm….it arrived – all 19lbs of it! It has been 6 days since my toy has been installed and I am obsessed with it.

I may love my boys and tuck them into bed at night, but I save my “goodnight kisses” for the XBox!

Daycare Diaries – 3/9/12

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During Share Time, Justin said: “Okay, this is my new Angry Birds toy. It has all of the different characters of Angry Birds and it’s a squishy and it has slippery goo inside. You could only touch it, but not feel it. I got it from Toys-R-Us. They have a lot of them. This is the birdy and I have the squishy piggy at home. It was totally broken. The eye popped out! And his [Birdy’s] name is Garrett!”

 

Oedipus Priluck-a-Kiss

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Please take a moment a look at the picture to the left. If you look closely, you can see Justin kissing my wife while at the same time glaring at me with a “this one’s mine, get your own” look!

Justin understands the basics – we are “mommy” and “daddy”, we are “married,” and we are affectionate towards one another. Over the past couple of weeks, whenever I’ve reached over to kiss GWE, my affection is met with an “EEEEWWWWWW!!! THAT’S GROSS!!” from my five year old son. And, there have been a few times when GWE and I have laughed this off and purposely kissed in front of him to rub it in his face. (I remember once kissing GWE in the driveway while Justin was buckled into my car. Even with all four windows and doors shut we heard a muted “EEEEEWWWWWW.”)

Justin doesn’t realize the depth of affection it took to make him! From what I remember, there was more than just kissing involved! All he knows is that daddy is kissing some lady that happens to be his mommy!

So, for the past few weeks, Justin has decided to stake his claim on “mommy.” When he kisses her goodnight, he goes out of his way to make sure I see it. He puts his hands on her face, tilts his head, makes sure to make eye-contact with me, and then he goes in for the kill!!

If I wake up one morning to find him standing over me with a dagger, we’ll all know that this was foretold. I can only hope that Little Garrett will avenge me!!

What a Family Guy Says vs. What a Single Guy Hears

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I often try my best not to take business calls in the morning before I drop the kids off at school. The kids are too loud….I can only concentrate on one thing at a time….and, I like having those final moments of “family” before all hell breaks loose professionally. However, there are times when someone I’ve been trying to reach finally returns my call and it happens to be before 9am. Regardless as to what is going on around me, I need to take that call.

A week and a half ago, a Business Affairs Executive called me to make an offer for one of my clients to test on a television pilot. We traded calls back and forth a few times and then we finally connected at 8:45 in the morning, when I was still in the car with the kids. I’ve dealt with him on a number of occasions. He is single, very dry, straight-forward, lacking in humor, and a tough opponent. I knew this call was going to be difficult and I was prepared.

After 10 minutes of a “heated” discussion, I informed him that I was sitting in a parking lot and needed to drop the kids off at school. I told him that it would only take a few minutes and then I would call him back. He stammered a little and then said ok.

When I returned his call, the first words out of his mouth were, “How’d it go in there?” I paused and said, “Fine. Thanks for asking.” He responded, “I’ve never had someone pause a negotiation to take a shit before. That’s a first.” I had no idea what he was talking about. I asked, “Take a shit? What are you talking about?” He said, “You just told me that you needed to ‘drop the kids off at the pool.’”

I erupted in laughter. I explained, “No, no, no!! I had to drop my children off AT SCHOOL! You know – a building with teachers and books!!!” Once he realized his mistake, he laughed….and then he proceeded to crush my hopes and dreams of getting my client a raise from his quote.

You win some, you poop some.

Papa, Can you Hear Me?

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A few weeks ago, we had a series of events happen that could only be described as “Shit Storm 2012.” Within a matter of hours GWE’s father had an accident (he is fine now) and was rushed to the hospital, GWE raced out of the house to be with him (leaving me with the kids), and then Garrett developed a weird “eye goop” problem which turned out to be conjunctivitis. It became a circus of frantic phone calls, doctors, and prescriptions! And…..all of this happened on a night that GWE and I were supposed to be having Date Night.

Amidst the chaos, I had forgotten that we scheduled a baby-sitter to come to the house and watch the kids. When she arrived, she walked into a house where one child was sitting in his underwear watching television eating Pirate Booty, a baby was screaming bloody murder, and then there was me…un-showered, partially undressed, and frantically trying to “handle the situation.”

In an effort not to alarm Justin as to what was happening around him, I asked the babysitter to join me in the baby’s room. I then closed the door and quietly explained the situation. I wanted to let the babysitter know exactly what was going on (thereby, giving her the option to leave if she so chose.) Once again, I tried to be careful NOT to let Justin know what was happening.

The babysitter chose wisely and decided to take a rain check. As I closed the door behind her, I heard Justin ask, “What happened to Bob?”

Shocked, I tried to play dumb. “What do you mean, buddy?” He calmly replied, “I heard you say that Bob had a boo-boo.” I could not figure out how he overheard this, but I let him know that Bob was going to be fine. He then turned to me again and asked, “Why is Garrett sick? Is he going to be ok?” HOW WAS THIS HAPPENING?!?!?!?! I took every precaution! He was across the house sitting on the sofa while watching television when the conversation took place!!!! There is no way he could have heard us. It wasn’t until I heard a “beep beep” from the kitchen table that I realized where he was getting his information.

I left the baby monitor on! He heard every word of my conversation. Then it dawned on me – Justin has heard every word of EVERY conversation we’ve ever had in the baby’s room!!!

Some days, you just can’t win!