Space Mountain – The Picture

“Ready for the picture that will live on forever?” was the text I got from GWE yesterday while she was with the boys at Disneyland. I was expecting to see a picture of my boys hugging a character or walking hand-in-hand up to the Magic Castle. That’s not the picture I was sent. This is what I was sent from Space Mountain:

Space-Mountain

Never before have I laughed so hard at a picture of my son. He looks terrified! He doesn’t just look terrified, he looks like he crapped his pants. I know GWE brought extra pairs of underwear for Garrett because he’s potty training, but she might want to have considered bring another pair of undies for Justin as well. The expression on his face is unbelievable.

Justin-Frozen

I don’t know if I should get in the car right now to save him from Space Mountain or if he’s really having a good time!

 

 

Don’t Eat The Shrimp Cocktail

ShrimpThanks to Alton Brown and my son (Justin,) I am not allowed to eat shrimp cocktails when I travel. Truth be told, I wasn’t eating shrimp cocktails BEFORE I was told not to eat them. However, I am defiant and rebellious by nature and feel compelled to do things I’m told not to do. (Don’t play in traffic? Why not! It’s just like Frogger – but the stakes are bigger!) So, on my last trip, I chose to defy a culinary television personality and my concerned son. I ate the shrimp cocktail.

A few months ago, GWE got tickets for me and Justin to see Alton Brown at the Pantages Theater in Hollywood. We were both excited and had no idea what he was going to do. Was he going to cook for everyone? Was he going to mock someone else as they cooked? What was going to happen? We didn’t know. However, due to an unexpected event, I had to go out of town and I was not able to attend the show. Instead, MoGWE (Mother of Greatest Wife Ever) took my place. She and Justin had a great time.

During the show, Alton Brown told the audience a story about one time when he ate a ‘bad’ shrimp cocktail and then boarded a cross country flight. The story left an impression on Justin.

Now, whenever I travel, Justin is concerned about my consumption of crustaceans prior to boarding a plane. Like a TSA inspector at an airport, he asks, “Daddy, did you eat a shrimp cocktail?” with the same accusatory tone I get when asked, “Did you pack your own luggage?” And, once again, I normally don’t eat shrimp cocktails…especially in airports!

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had to do an unusual amount of traveling. And, with my travel schedule came a renewed concern from Justin about my pre-flight shrimp digestion. I assured him that I would not be eating shrimp.

On the last leg of my journey, I happened to get to the airport an hour early and had some time to kill. I had a lot of restaurant options because I was flying out of Hartsfield-Jackson Airport in Atlanta. With plenty of time to spare, I found a pub with several TVs showing the golf tournament and I began to review the menu. There, on the top of the appetizer list, was ‘Shrimp Cocktail.’ Normally, I would have ignored it and made a different choice….but….SHRIMP COCKTAIL!

As I began to eat the last shrimp, my phone rang….and it was GWE. I asked to speak with Justin and the first thing I said to him was, “I’m eating the shrimp cocktail.”

“NNOOOOO,” he yelled (while laughing at the same time) “Don’t do it!”

“Too late!” I told him. “The shrimp (munch…munch…munch) is gone!”

“NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!”

Despite the warnings from Alton Brown and Justin – I ate the food I normally wouldn’t have eaten and it still did not kill me.

The Hi-Fi Guys

Wires

The art of listening to music runs deep in our family. My father is a collector of High Fidelity stereo equipment. My Father-in-Law might be the King of Hi-Fi. (“This makes it sound 32% better!!”) My wife loves Hi-Fi because she grew up listening to it. And, I grew up listening to it as well. If it’s got dials, tubes, woofers, subwoofers, cables, tweeters, and plugs – someone in my family is buying it, talking about it, playing with it, listening to it, or reviewing it.

 

Hi-Fi runs so deep, that in 1976 – I was in an ad for The Hi-Fi Bug!

Edit

Yup! That’s me!! (Dec. 8, 1976)

It had been over a year since we moved houses and our stereo equipment had been sorely neglected. Various components were sitting on the floor of our bedroom. They were in plain sight, but largely ignored under mismatched sheets and towels. The day came when I finally had enough of staring at these “Ghosts of Hi-Fi Past,” so I decided to do something about it.

 

With GWE out of town one weekend, I recruited my youngest son to help me rebuild the stereo system as a surprise for when she returned. One by one, we uncovered each piece of stereo equipment. Garrett used a dry towel to wipe off the dust and I placed each piece on the dresser. Garrett listened intently as I tested each input and output to see what was working and what was not. We even recruited FoGWE (Father of Greatest Wife Ever) to re-balance the turntable and re-check my work. After several hours, we were listening to the warm sounds of vinyl again. (“It’s 100% better than what it was 24 hours prior!!”)

Audio-3

 

It only took Garrett a few minutes to figure out where the power buttons were and where the knob for the volume was. He found a song he liked, climbed up on the bed, and began to bounce in rhythm. I could tell, he was hooked.

 

Another family member had been sucked into the cult of Hi-Fi!!

I love you very much

Bear3No other words have the power to melt your heart or betray your trust like the words, “I love you very much.” Especially, when coming from your own child.

 

Several weeks ago, Garrett started telling us that he “loved us very much” as part of his bedtime routine. Each time he said it, it felt special and unique. It was a great way to end the day. I would reply by giving him a tremendous hug and whispering in his ear that I loved him very much as well. This was our thing and it melted my heart each time he said it.

 

It was special….until Chip, Dale, and Teddi Barra from the Country Bear Jamboree entered our lives!!! (Well, technically, our brunch!)

 

For the past few years, we’ve taken the boys to the Mother’s Day brunch at The Grand Californian at Disneyland. It’s a fun event and they have a couple of characters wandering around the restaurant to hug and play with the children.

 

Garrett saw Teddi first and ran up to him to give him a huge hug. And then I heard him say, “I love you very much!” Huh?!?! Ok, probably just a fluke, I thought. I’m big and furry. Maybe he mistook the bear for me.

Bear

 

30 minutes later, Chip came by our table. (Maybe it was Dale. Doesn’t really matter.) Once again, Garrett ran up to Chip to give him a hug and said, “I love you very much.” What?!?!? He just gave the love meant for me to another fuzzy stranger??

 Chip

30 minutes later, Dale came by. (Maybe it was Chip. Maybe it was Chewbacca. I dunno. They all look alike when you’re on a sugar high from eating too many Mickey Waffles.) Again, I heard my son profess his love to someone other than me.

 Dale

Feeling scorned, I wanted to lash out. I wanted to whisper in Garrett’s ear about how Walt Disney was anti-Semitic, how those characters will never love him back, or worse – none of those characters are real!! I wanted to, but I didn’t.

 

Yes, I understand that a 3 year old doesn’t really understand the concept of love. Hell – I’ve met 40 year olds who don’t understand the concept of love. But, it was just one of those things that caught me off guard.

 

As I tucked him back into bed that night, he stood up to give me a hug. And then, he said those magical words: “I love you very much.”

 

Honestly, it was as special as it was the first time.

Going Out for Cigarettes

Picture-of-kid-smoking-a-cigarette-293x300GWE and I have had a running joke since Justin was born. When the stress of parenthood becomes too much and we can’t take it anymore, one of us will look at the other and say, “I’m going out for cigarettes.”

 

Neither of us smokes.

 

It’s a half-hearted poke at the stories you hear about parents leaving their families in the middle of the night with excuses of “I’m going out for milk” or “I’m going to walk the dog….at 3am!” For us it means, if I don’t walk away right now – something bad will happen.

 

This morning, I took care of Garrett while GWE took Justin to his swim lesson plus a few additional errands. When they returned, I was standing in the front doorway and I looked ‘displeased.’ Garrett spent the morning destroying everything in his path and then throwing a fit when I wouldn’t rebuild (for the fourth time) Lego cars and trucks he had smashed.

 

Justin took one look at me and then turned around to GWE who was still standing the driveway. At the top of his lungs (and certainly loud enough for the neighbors to hear) he yelled, “Mommy!! Daddy’s going out for cigarettes!!!!”

 

Two thoughts immediately came to mind: 1) Justin has a tendency to repeat what he hears at home. I really hope he doesn’t get frustrated by something in school, announce that he’s “going out for some cigarettes,” and then simply walks out of the  classroom. And, 2) Considering my son has never seen a cigarette, I would still consider this a parenting fail.

Some People Claim That There’s A Woman to Blame

Mystery-MachineJustin is a very happy kid. However, there are the moments of fake laughter and there are moments of genuine laughter. I caught a moment of the latter while we were at Universal Studios in Hollywood one night.

We were having dinner at Saddle Ranch when two musicians asked if we had any requests. GWE requested “Margaritaville” while Justin completely ignored the situation while watching an over-head television. I caught him off-guard. Enjoy!