Plant VS. Justin

Money Tree

It’s not a bribe. It’s just “a little somethin’ for yer troubles.”

Every year, each class in Justin’s school is assigned a science experiment to work on. The students do both group and individual experiments which are then put on display at a Science Fair/Silent Auction Fundraiser that the school hosts. This is a science experiment with a deadline!

Justin’s class decided to work with plants and other vegetation. Some of the students wanted to see the effects of colored water on the plants. Some wanted to see the effects of varying degrees of sunlight. Others wanted to see the growth differences between various beans. Justin’s plan was to simply “Grow A Plant.”

With four weeks to go, Justin planted his plant in a yellow pot. We went to Home Depot and he picked out a packet of wild flower seeds. When we got home, he put fresh soil in the pot…planted the seeds…watered them and waited…..

Week #1 – Nothing happened.

Week1

Grow!!

Week #2 – Nothing happened.

Empty Pot 2

For the love of God, please just grow!

Week #3 – GWE began to get concerned, so she asked me to get them growing. (Clearly, the ability to grow plants quickly was not a super power I was aware that I had.) I went back to Home Depot and picked out new seeds that I thought would grow faster. While Justin was at school, I replanted his science project.

Week #3.3 – Nothing happened.

Empty Pot 2

GROW, DAMN YOU!!! GGGGRROOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

Week #3.5 – Nothing happened. So GWE called Justin’s teacher and asked for her advice. “Do we bring in a pot with no plant or do we “fix the problem?”” Justin’s teacher was calm and reassured us that sometimes this happens and that if we wanted to “fix” the plant – she would understand. The following morning, I explained to Justin that since his plant wasn’t growing, I would be going back to Home Depot (for the third time) to get an actual plant to put in the pot. I also explained to him that his teacher knew about what we were doing and said it would be ok. Justin asked, “Isn’t that cheating?” I replied, “No. Not if your teacher knew about it. She said this was okay.” He seemed satisfied with that explanation.

Week #3.6 – On my way home from work, GWE called me and told me that the teacher had pulled her aside that morning and mentioned that Justin had told his classmates all about our conversation in the car. Additionally, he said that I said that the teacher said that it was okay to cheat. GWE asked if I was aware of this “cheating” conversation. I hung my head in shame. Yes, I was aware of this conversation. Luckily, the teacher had a good sense of humor about this. (Note to self: Justin cannot keep a secret.)

Assignment Due Date – As you can see, Justin’s Science Experiment was ready to be handed in!

Flower in pot

It’s a MIRACLE!!!!

There is an addendum to this story. Several days later, Justin and I arrived at the school for the Science Fair and Silent Auction. We wandered around for a few minutes and then Justin took me by the hand and led me to his classroom. Before we got to his seat, the teacher pulled me aside and said, “You’re not going to believe what happened.” And, then she motioned for me to see Justin’s plant.

Full Plant

Not only had the “fixed” flower we planted gotten bigger……BUT THE OTHER SEEDS STARTED TO SPROUT AS WELL!!!!

I have affectionately begun to call this plant “Audrey II” and every morning as I water it on the porch I sing, “Feed me, Seymour. Feed me all night long…. “

Mamas, Don’t Let Your First Graders Grow Up To Be Cowboys

Pic2With less than 24 hours’ notice, we were told that Justin’s school would be celebrating “Western Day.” Instead of wearing the school uniform, the children would be allowed to wear Western/Cowboy gear to school. Jeans were acceptable. Toy guns were not. There were no further instructions beyond that.

With GWE out of town, it was up to me to turn flip-flop and board shorts wearing (“Southern California Dude”) Justin into “Cowboy Justin.” For hours (ok, 15 minutes,) I scoured the house and garage looking for anything that could be considered “Cowboy.” GWE would have been much better suited for this task because she’s more imaginative when it comes to things like this. (I’m just happy when I remember to put my underwear on BEFORE my pants!)

I could not find cowboy boots or a holster. I could not find a badge or a vest to put the badge on. (Let’s be honest – Justin doesn’t need no stinkin’ badges!!) I was able to find a red bandana. I tied it around Justin’s neck and stepped back. He did look like a cowboy….however, it was the cowboy from The Village People. I quickly removed it.

Finally, I was able to find a jean jacket and straw cowboy-ish hat in the closet. I waited for Justin to wake up this morning and I presented him with his costume.

He looked at the clothes…and then me…and then clothes. He stated, “This isn’t what a cowboy wears! Isaiah [his best friend] is going as The Lone Ranger! I want to be The Lone Ranger too!” I assured him that he was going to look like a cowboy. But sadly, we did not live in “Daddy’s House of Costumes” and we would have to manage with what we had. With anger in his eyes, he put on the clothes – all the while never losing eye contact with me.

I have to admit. He didn’t really look like a cowboy. But, I couldn’t figure out who he looked like. It was a  familiar look. I just couldn’t put my finger on it…until we walked outside.

As we walked to the car, our neighbor’s Mexican lawn crew drove up. Four guys jumped out of the truck with leaf blowers, lawn movers, and hedge clippers. All of them were wearing “double denim” (jeans and jean jacket) and straw, cowboy-ish hats. I thought, “Oh shit! I dressed Justin like a Mexican gardener!”  (By the way, I don’t mean for this to be offensive….but the similarities were undeniable.)

I quickly ushered Justin into the car, but I’m pretty sure he saw the crew and he probably recognized the similarities as well. Thankfully, he said nothing and climbed into the car.

In the future, could the school give us a little more notice when choosing a theme day??? “Superman Day,” “Transformer Day,” or “Mario Brothers Day” – I’ve got that covered. Anything else and I’m going to need a little time to go shopping!!

Pic1

The Magic of A Garage Door

Having observed Garrett closely since his second birthday, I’ve come to the conclusion that the perfect age of life is 2. I know everyone warns you about the “Terrible Twos” (and I have a friend who believes that nothing is worse than the “F*@&ing Fours”), but Justin was a breeze at 2 and so is Garrett.

What I like about this age is that everything is new and exciting to Garrett. Simply going outside is an magnificent experience for him. Eating good food is exhilarating. Waking up and seeing garbage trucks outside his window is absolutely mind-blowing. Each and every experience is met with joy and wonder.

However, the one experience that has topped them all is the opening and closing of the garage door at the new house. We had a garage door at the old house, but it was manual. The garage door at the new house is electric!

I won’t tell you how Garrett experiences it. Instead, I’d prefer to show you:

Go Directly To Jail

Jail

“You either get busy livin’ or get busy bucklin’!”

While in the car (most of my stories tend to start in the car), Justin was having a phone conversation with my father. As he was talking to “Papa Jeff,” he was also continuing to play with his Legos. I must have stopped short at some point because he dropped Lego Iron Man and he was not in a position to get him unless he undid his seatbelt.

The following conversation took place….with my father listening in from Atlanta:

Justin: “Daddy, I dropped Lego Iron Man.”

Me: “It’s ok. I’ll get him when we stop.”

Justin: “No daddy. Can I unbuckle my seatbelt? I can get him.”

Me: “No Justin. I’ll get it.”

Justin: “Pleaseeeeeeeee……Let me unbuckle my seatbelt to get him!”

Me: “Justin, don’t unbuckle your seatbelt. I don’t want to go to jail.”

(At this point, I’m about to be guilty of a parenting fail…but I go on…)

Justin: “Why would you go to jail?”

Me: “Everyone is supposed to wear their seatbelt. If the policeman pulls me over and he sees that you’re not wearing your seatbelt, he’s going to take me to jail.”

Justin: (begins to giggle.)

Me: “Justin….I don’t want to go to jail because I’m afraid of jail.”

(This is where it goes horribly wrong.)

Me: “And I’m afraid that if I went to jail, some guy named Bubba is going to make me his girlfriend.”

Justin: (Erupts in laughter…hearty, gut-busting laughter.)

Me: “I don’t want to be Bubba’s girlfriend….so keep your seatbelt on!”

Justin: (Still laughing) “He’s gonna make you a girl!?!?!?!”

Me: “I dunno, buddy. I imagine that Bubba is pretty big. He might make me a girl!”

Justin: (Continued to laugh so hard that he couldn’t catch his breath.)

The next day, I was asked to assist one of Justin’s teachers with administering an AR Test to a few students. Justin was clearly excited to have me in his classroom because he was almost bouncing off the walls. He was thrilled to show me his projects that were proudly displayed on the walls and hanging from the ceiling.

Finally, he grabbed my hand and guided me up to his teacher’s desk. He excitedly began to tell Mrs. Rubin all about seatbelts and that if he didn’t wear his seatbelt, his daddy was going to become someone’s….(yes, I caught it in time.) I quickly put my hand over his mouth and doubled over laughing. I explained to his teacher that we were having a goofy conversation in the car the previous day.

As I steered Justin back to his chair, I think he got the idea that the conversation wasn’t appropriate because he couldn’t help laughing either. The two of us were giggling like idiots and I was fully expecting to get sent to the Principal’s office (again.)

The Bunny’s Not Funny!

Bunny

“I am your worst nightmare!!!”

On the way to school, Justin announced, “I don’t want to go to Animal Encounters anymore.” (Animal Encounters is the name of one of his after-school programs. Each week they bring in new animals for the children to learn about, play with, feed, etc. Up until the moment Justin announced he was “done,” I thought he loved it.)

“Justin, why don’t you want to do Animal Encounters anymore?” I asked.

He responded, “I just don’t want to do it anymore. You can tear up the contract. I’m not going back.” (He really said, “Tear up the contract.” I don’t know if I should be proud of my influence or horrified. Either way, he’s been listening to Daddy in “Negotiation Mode!”)

“But, I don’t understand. Why don’t you want to do it anymore?” I asked again.

“I just don’t,” he said defiantly.

“But why?”

“Because I don’t want to!” he said even more defiantly.

I tried a different tactic, “But wwwhhhhyyyyy???” I said in a goofy voice. I was met with silence and an evil stare from the rear view mirror.

“Justin – just tell me why? Did something happen?”

Another moment of silence, and then…

“Justin – please tell me….”

“I’M NOT GOING BACK BECAUSE THE FUZZY BUNNY PEED ON ME!!!!!!!”

With every fiber of my being, I tried not to laugh….but I failed. Once I composed myself, I told Justin that sometimes in life the fuzzy bunny pees on you and sometimes you get to pee on the fuzzy bunny. (I have no idea what that means, but in that moment it sounded like a pearl of wisdom.)