After giving Garrett his morning bottle, I placed him in his “nap nanny” on the floor of the living room and made sure that he was happy. I decided to shut my eyes for a few minutes in an attempt to catch up on Sunday morning sleep that I was sorely missing.
In an excited and slightly panicked tone, Justin rushed over to me while holding his plastic sword and sheath. He handed me the sheath and told me that his “gold” was at the bottom and he could not get it out. I shook the case and smacked it on the floor a few time. Nothing came out and there were no rattling sounds. I handed it back to Justin and told him that he was mistaken – there was nothing in there. He replied “Yes, there is daddy. Get it!” I looked again, but didn’t see anything.
He grabbed the sheath from me and stormed off. Two seconds later, he returned with the sheath and a flashlight. “Here, daddy! Look!” He flicked on the flashlight and (for the third time) I looked for his gold. I saw nothing…just blackness. The following conversation then took place:
Me: There is nothing down there.
Justin: Yes there is. Look again.
Me: Justin, there is nothing down there. I’ve looked.
Justin: Look again!! Look again!!!
Me: I swear to you on all that is holy…there is no gold down there.
(In the meantime, Garrett was in his special seat babbling at the two of us like he was also a part of this conversation.)
Justin: DADDY!! It’s down there! Get it now!!!
Me: Don’t yell at me. There is nothing there!!
Justin: DADDDDYYYY!!!! Don’t make me give you a time out!!!!!!!
Me: Justin, relax and go ask mommy.
(Ok, this was a “jerk” move on my part. This was my way of getting Justin to wake up mommy. I figured that if I had to be up to endure this – so did she!) Justin marched off to the bedroom and I heard him having a conversation with GWE, but could not make out the details. I was later told by GWE that Justin woke her up by shining the flashlight directly into her eyes. She was dreaming at the time and thought the police were out to get her!
Dejected, Justin returned to the living room and began to chant “Daddy sucks! Daddy sucks! Daddy sucks.” In a moment of exhaustion from lack of sleep and frustration from hearing how badly I sucked on a Sunday morning, I turned to Justin and barked, “Put the sword in the case. There is nothing blocking it! It will go all the way in!!” He angrily grabbed the sword and jammed it into the sheath. And……it only went halfway in. “SEE DADDY!! I TOLD YOU!!!!!!”
I looked at him and the sword in disbelief. There actually was something stuck. I took the case, banged it on the floor once, and out popped a silver dollar. He was right!!!! What made this much worse is that he knew he was right and now that he knew that I knew he was right, so he decided to rub it in my face.
“I TOLD YOU….I TOLD YOU…NANANANANA….I TOLD YOU…..DADDY IS A DUMMY…….I TOLD YOU.”
I smiled, waited until he was done, looked him in the eyes, and then asked one direct question: “Justin – where did you get the silver dollar?” We both knew the answer. He stole it from my nightstand. At that moment, he froze and realized “oh shit.”
While on the way to “MamaBob’s” house in Orange County, GWE decided to ask her iPhone’s Siri App for a traffic update. Siri correctly replied with a detailed map of red spots specifically marking the trouble spots up ahead. From the back seat, Justin became immediately interested in GWE’s phone and decided that he wanted to also ask Siri a couple of questions. GWE handed him the phone:
Justin: “Siri, what highway are we on?”
Siri: “I do not understand the question”
Justin: “SIRI, WHAT HIGHWAY ARE WE ON?”
Siri: “I do not understand the question.”
I took the phone from Justin and decided to ask my own questions:
Jason: “Siri, why does Justin smell so bad?”
(Justin erupted with laughter)
Siri: “I do not understand the question.”
Jason: “Siri, what is poop?”
Siri: (paused) “Let’s keep it clean here, ok?”
(All three of us burst into laughter.)
Justin decided that this was too much fun and asked for the phone back to resume interrogating Siri.
Justin: “Siri, Is daddy a man or a muppet?”
Siri: No response.
Justin: “Siri, Why do you hate daddy?” (giggle, giggle)
Siri: Again, no response.
Siri had decided that we were either too silly or stupid to play with, so she stopped responding. It didn’t matter – we had our fun!