Someone please explain to me why I have to get naked and groped by the TSA to prevent terror attacks on my plane, but the McDonalds in the Delta terminal is allowed to give my son a toy with a laser in it! Yes, a LASER in his Megamind toy!!
Justin and I were watching “Chicken Little.” The little chicken asked his father if they should talk about something because they “need closure.” Justin turned to me and said “Daddy, I want closure.” I asked my 3 year old what he wanted closure on. He said, “I dunno daddy, but I want closure. Can we get some closure at Target?”
It’s that time of year again – the time when GWE (Greatest Wife Ever) nags us about our Flu Shots! Every Fall I wait as long as humanly possible before I am forced to get the shot. She asks “Did you get it yet?” 24 times and on the 25th time, she actually sets up the appointment herself and then drives me to get my shot. Without fail, I usually get the flu in February!
Now that Justin is “of age”, he too is nagged into getting a flu shot. This morning, Justin was scheduled to get his. The discussion was as follows:
Me: Hey buddy. Put on your shoes. It’s time to go.
Justin: Are we going to school, daddy?
Me: Yes, but we need to run an errand first.
Justin: Are we going to Target?
Me: no
Justin: Are we going to Toys R Us?
Me: no
Justin: (pauses) Are we going to the doctor’s office?
Me: (shocked) Well….yes. We are going to the doctor’s office.
Justin: I don’t want to get a shot.
Me: (I never told him he was getting a shot.) Um….well, the doctor just wants to say hi to you. (Kinda’ true….)
Justin: I don’t want to get a SHOT.
GWE: (from around the corner) It’s a little shot Justin, it will only hurt a little. Jason – why did you tell him he was getting a shot!?!?!?!?
Me: I didn’t…YOU just told him he was getting a shot!!!
GWE: I DIDN’T TELL HIM!!! I HEARD YOU TALKING ABOUT IT!!!
Me: I DIDN’T ACTUALLY TELL HIM HE WAS GETTING A SHOT!!!!! I TOLD HIM WE WERE GOING TO THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE!!! YOU JUST CONFIRMED WHAT HE SUSPECTED!!!!
Justin: I DON’T WANT TO GET A SSSSHHHHOOTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!
GWE and I (trying to hug Justin reassuringly): It will be fine. You like Dr. Howie, right?
Justin: I DON’T WANT TO GET A SSSSSSHHHHHHHHOOOOOTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!
Me: It’s gonna be ok buddy….GWE, you gotta help me….he’s not going to want to get in the car now.
GWE: What do we do?
Justin: I’m hungry. I want cho-co-late!
GWE and I smile at each other evily because we are thinking the same thing.
Me: Justin, I’ll give you a piece of Halloween candy, but you can’t have it until after the doctor’s office.
Justin: ok, daddy.
Justin (in the car for the next 20 minutes): Can I eat it now? Can I eat it now? Can I eat it now?
Me (in the car for the next 20 minutes): No No No No No
We arrived in the doctor’s parking lot and I got out of the car and went around to Justin’s side. The moment I got there, I heard him click the door lock and then laugh histerically. I pretended that I couldn’t get in just to give him some satisfaction. Then, I clicked “unlock” on the key fob and watched the smile on his face drop. I opened the door and undid his car seat. He then yelled “STINKY FEET” as he thrust his feet in my face. This was another tactical move to stall his appointment. He had taken off his socks and shoes and made me put them back on.
As we walked into the doctor’s office, I noticed a distinct change in Justin. He looked like a man who was walking down “death row” toward the electric chair. He had made his peace with it and was not going to give anyone the satisfaction of seeing his discomfort. We both walked into Room 3 and the nurse asked him a few questions. He sat on my lap, answered each of the questions, and then allowed me to roll up his sleeve. The nurse and I prepared for the worst.
Justin did not cry. Justin did not squirm away. Justin was a man!
He watched the nurse put the needle in his arm, give him the injection, and then pull out the needle. The look on his face said, “Is that all you got? Gimme another!!” The nurse placed a “Cars” band-aid on his arm and he walked out of the office with his head held high. Watching him walk towards the door was like watching Shane ride off into the sunset after putting down “Old Yeller.”
The legend of Justin continues…….
From Saturday Night – I just got back to the hotel room after attending a beautiful wedding. Justin kissed me on the cheek and then made a weird face. He then said, “Daddy, what that smell?” I told him it was Glenlivet Scotch. He said “What dat?” I replied, “Something that only daddy’s like.” He thought for a second and then said, “I Justin Daniel Priluck and I not a daddy. I a big boy. You stinky. Go ‘blush’ your teeth!”
We’re having some technical difficulties, but will be up-and-running shortly!